my heart is happy here

...
It sounds so sappy, but there is a deep contentment I'm feeling now, just being here.

I talked to a friend today and told her how just being here makes me so happy, and she asked me if I would consider moving back. My answer was an immediate "No," because I know that this is an idyll, a time out of real time, and that's what is making this really magical for me. Which is not to say it's one big dream, as I do have 3 kiddos to look after and I'm missing DH fiercely, and I'm tired for any number of reasons. But I can handle all those things because I am just so happy to be here.

I wonder, though, how I will feel when it's time to go home again? Will this visit be long enough to satiate me for a while? Or will it just make me miserable because I'll get into a real groove here and not want to leave? (Doubtful -- very doubtful!)

I love the way the air smells here, the way it feels on my skin. I love the 4 million different shades of true green -- not gray-green, blue-green, but real rich green that is everywhere. I love the flowers, wild and cultivated, that are exploding all over, the lilies and impatiens and petunias, and roses! Oh, the roses are glorious this year... I love the crazy bird noises every morning. I love that a family of skunks tumbled through the backyard a few nights ago, oblivious to us (we immediately fell silent, of course). I love looking out into the yard at sunset and seeing fireflies twinkling at the edge of the woods. I love driving by the ocean every single time I go out for an errand. I love buying my kids ice cream every day (hee!). I love swimming with them and watching them master the water. I loved having to drag DS2 out of the pond today because his lips were blue and his teeth were chattering.

I know I can't do this forever, though. Although I did tell my friend, I can see making long-term career choices that would enable me to do 4-6 week summer visits every year. My poor husband. But honestly, anything that makes me happier and healthier, he is very likely to support. Six weeks might be too long though, that would be 4 whole weeks without him! Too much.

In the day or two before I left, I was stricken by a panicky thought that I had made a terrible mistake, I could never manage all 3 kids by myself for so long, what was I thinking? What if they didn't like it? Now I know I was right when I made the plans, that this was a really good thing -- a great thing -- to do. Even if I never get to do this ever again, I will have had this time.

I am so blessed.

health update

...
Wanted to mention before I forget: my RA is not bothering me one bit. I am seriously impressed with the minocycline. It rained last night and this morning, and I have no swelling or joint pain at all. It really is remarkable. This evening, I opened a coffee can using one of those sadistic old-fashioned turn-key can openers... last year, or even two months ago, I wouldn't have been able to do that at all, yet tonight I did it easily, with no after-effects.

I did manage to tweak my piriformis yesterday rushing DS2 to the bathroom at Good Will Park... rest and stretching are helping it, though. I am being a good girl and doing my SI strengthening/stabilizing exercises both in the morning and in the evening. I think that is helping a lot.

I still have considerable fatigue, but it's impossible to tell whether that is from the thyroid or from the time change or just constantly having to be "on" with the 3 kids and no one to hand them off to... I've been getting to bed at decent hours (especially considering the 3 hour time difference), but haven't been taking the Ambien because I need to hear the kids if they have trouble in the middle of the night, and I need to be able to get up! I'm afraid if I take the Ambien I might not be able to do either... still, the fatigue is not unbearable. Once DH arrives I can go back to taking the Ambien and see if it helps.

Diet was great until today, when I had ice cream in Woods Hole and then some of my Mom's fried potatoes with dinner, and then some popcorn after dinner. What is up with that? I have no idea. The ice cream was divine, though, as were the potatoes. I'm having my coffee now and thoroughly enjoying it. The rapid transit problem is a thing of the past, yay! It's so nice to have normal digestion again.

beautiful disorder

...
Today I looked out the window of my Mom's kitchen while I was washing dishes. The window looks into the front yard, which is more or less a constant struggle against various natural elements trying to restake their claim to this territory. It occurred to me then that about 90% of what I was looking at was stuff that no person had put there, whereas, when I look out into my own yard back home, literally everything that I usually see is there because I put it there. The landscaping, the hardscaping, etc etc. Such a totally different world here.

I like that the chaos here is beautiful and less deadly than the chaos at home. There is little danger of rapid dehydration here (at least with our current weather), and while it's still quite possible to get a nasty sunburn, it would take a lot longer for it to happen. It just seems so mild and benign here near the ocean, whereas back home everything seems so dry and harsh in comparison.

I feel very lucky that I am here and able to have the kids here for this time. It's hard being away from home for a long time,and hard being away from their dad, but this is a very special place. It is so beautiful and unique that I hope they will always look back on these vacations as really wonderful times... heaven forbid they look back on them as "those times Mom dragged us to the Cape"!!!

DS1 had a blast body-surfing the other day, while DS2 played happily in the sand but DD bundled up on the blanket against the wind. I can totally see DS1 going off to college in CA and becoming a surfer dude. He could really fit the swimmer/surfer profile he wanted to... such an excellent swimmer. We have managed to do fun things every day, and I think we're maintaining a good balance of normal routine -- breakfast, lunch, dinner, bedtime -- and vacation weirdness. Only three days done, though, so we'll see how it goes once everyone is accustomized to the time change. It should get easier from here on out.

This is quite long enough... I hope it survives being published over a dial-up line...

motor's running

... finally!

I cranked out the LCL Mag article and knocked off all the copy for one milestone, plus some, tonight... finished by 12:30.

Of course, I'm still up puttering around, but hey... it's only 1AM and I am done and managed to GET STUFF DONE today.

YAY!

eek

...

OK, I just got a reminder email that I hadn't sent in my July column for LCL mag yet. Whoopsy.

And I have tons and tons of real paying work, too! Whee!

On the upside, only 2 more drawers left on DD's furniture. I've spent wayyyy too much time on that, but it is looking pretty nifty even if I do say so myself. I will post pics when it's done (sometime in August, it's not getting finished any time before then...)

I know that on Saturday morning, no matter what, I'll be getting on that plane with the kids. It's just getting what needs to get done between now and then that's a bit problematical.

This is a classic case of over-committing myself... but I never expected this job to go on this long! This is just ridiculous. I was up until 2:30 this morning re-working the home page for the nth time. Why why why (imagine accompanying "bonk" sound effects, as head hits desk)?!?

On the upside, the new computer came today. Not that I have time to set it up and enjoy it or anything like that.

My dearest sis (DS) is meeting me & the kids at the airport. Just to complicate things a wee bit, one of my dear bros (DB4) asked DH if I needed help at the airport. So I called DB4 and had a chat with him today about stuff, but we got into this weird "yes she is, no she isn't" conversation about our Mom. DB4 sees Mom a lot, he spends a lot of weekends at her place... but I also spend a lot of time with Mom, as she lives with us for 2 months every winter. It was very odd for DB4 to flat-out contradict me and say "Ma does not wig out," when in fact, she does wig out. Not drastically or anything, but she can definitely get worked up about stuff... anyway, I just caught a weird vibe off that part of the conversation. Also, I caught the definite vibe of "relief" that he's off the hook for meeting me at the airport.

The whole thing was kind icky, now that I think about it. DB4 says Mom is so excited that I'm "coming home for the summer" or something like that... he said she's making a really big deal of it. That's OK, I guess... but I still don't know why she had to call me at 7:45AM the other day (she knows I don't get up until 8 unless I have to) to ask me what to buy for groceries while we're there. First of all, I don't expect her to feed my entire family while we're there (but she will want to), we can go shopping, too, and hopefully, she'll let us... and second of all, she knows what my kids and I eat because she lives with us every winter and when she does, she takes over a big chunk of the cooking! Oh, I don't know what's going on in her head, but she's making a deal of this, for sure...

I gotta go try and get some work done. I feel like crap but don't know whether it's side effects from the minocycline persisting, or what -- throat and ears feel nasty, so I'll try and get an appointment with the PA tomorrow. Life is too complicated, but if I do have an ear infection, I want to be on meds for it before I leave!

Yikes. Don't know when I'll be back here. This was a good rant. Gotta run.

progress

...

I spent all day working on DD's furniture yesterday. Steps: Drill holes for knobs, then light sanding, washing down, priming, painting (3 coats... so much for priming), gluing batting to the fronts of the doors and drawers with spray adhesive, upholstering door and drawer fronts (fabric and staples).

It sounds easy, but I swear, I never get the right tool first time out, or something similarly screwy happens. The pilot holes I drilled for the knobs were too small, but that didn't matter because the screws were too short anyway. I hope I have made my last trip to Home Depot for this project today, to get the longer screws. So far I have 2 drawers done and the doors to the highboy. This is the project from "I have no idea how much work is involved in this stuff, so it's stupid for me to undertake projects like this." Hee.

Today I expected to be in major agony from overdoing it with my hands and whatnot, and indeed my hands are achey but I paid enough attention to my sciatica so that I didn't make it worse. I have writing work to do later but for now I'm just going to take a break. The furniture is at the point now where I can wrap it up during the week. I need to save some energy for writing!

DH has decided to go out to eat tonight but not where, and I know it will be mobbed wherever we go because it's Father's Day... oh well. We'll manage. I love him and if he wants to go out to eat, that's fine with me.

I think I'll go start the laundry.

aaaaaauuuuggggghhhhh

...

too much going on, not enough time for everything, stress.

That about sums up my week. Details are irrelevant at this point.

Whee!

fly by

...

Don't have time to think these days!

Swimming lessons, doctor's appointments, sick kids... but managed to have a great date with DH last night, when to early dinner at Majerle's, then to the DBacks-Yankees game, and we actually won, 6-1, it was awesome. Very nice evening, we both really savored it since it's our last date before I leave with the kids.

More good news: our desk is coming tomorrow, and the new computer has already shipped! Yay!!! That means we will be able to get everything all set up before I leave. I hope!

I re-worked the home page and sent it off to my boss, and he really liked it... whew! Tons more work to do for this weekend. Before I go on vacation, i should've earned enough to pay for the new computer, the desk, the car rental, and maybe eve the plane tickets. But not all the taxes I owe on my earnings, LOL! It's a cash flow thing, mostly... heh. Anyway, I'm glad to be getting the stuff done, producing things they like, and earning.

Gotta run... DS1 goes to the allergest now...

shoot me now

...

Another absolutely insane day. Having two sets of swimming lessons is difficult. It's 100 extra minutes of driving, every day! Yikes. The kids all did great today, though, even DS2 was kicking his best ever. DD finally, finally made some progress in the water, she usually kicks so ineffectually, she just splashes around a lot and never moves. Today, forward motion! It could still improve a lot, but it was the best I've ever seen her do. DS1 continues to blow me away. He seems very comfortable in the pool now, and is working on his freestyle stroke. He is very determined to do well. He's a bit skittish about diving, though, and I'm not sure why. Well, for Day 2, it was really spectactular.

I got some feedback today from my boss on the latest batch of web copy I sent over. He didn't like the home page, and neither did his partner, but for different reasons. Both of these guys are heavy on the jargon-y, poly-syllabic words, and I frankly hate that crap. Well. We talked for a bit, then late this evening I got his home page proposal and it makes me just want to throw up my hands and say, "If you want to do this, go right ahead, I'll bill you for my hours and get on with my life, 'bye!"

We will most likely butt heads again tomorrow afternoon. Whee! Partner guy wants testimonials, "I increased my bottom line by X% using our product!" but I told the boss that I'm not going to just make up stuff and present it as a testimonial... it's lying but in public like that, it may even be fraud (I didn't mention that to the boss, though). I'm just not comfortable doing that. Who knows what they will advocate tomorrow.

Then, I have PT scheduled for 4 but no babysitter. What am I going to do? I have no idea. I have to call the babysitter tomorrow morning sharp and get an answer from her, this is really not right I called 2 days ago and left 2 messages. I'm thinking of begging my neighbor to take the kids, I'll only be an hour and a half, total, including travel time... should be OK, right? Not too bad, except it's from 4 to 5, which is killer time. Ack. Ack. Ack.

I wore my new pink dress today (it's a slim sleeveless thing, long but with slits on both sides) and felt pretty all day. Maybe it was a bit preppy to wear my new green kitten-heeled thong shoes with it, but oh well. It was cute and comfy.

And now I turn into a pumpkin.

ouch, again

...

PT this morning went fine and I was actually feeling OK until about 4PM when I did something, or maybe I didn't do anything, it just happened, but my hip has been killing me since then. Ouch. This morning she did heat, massage, ultrasound, cold, and electric muscle stimulation, which does feel weird but also good.

She checked my alignment first thing, "Eek! You are so off!" various pushes, pulls, and one POP! later, and my hips are realigned and that helps a lot. I did think at one point she was going to pull my entire leg out of the hip socket, but no. She also showed me how to do it myself, so if it's feeling icky (like now), I could try and re-align myself. Whee!

OK, after PT it was a whirlwind, had to dash home and bring the kids to camp, dropping off their emergency contact cards and paying for this week, then running home to get DS2's stuff for his swimming lesson, and then dashing over there. We were late, he cried about being there, but he actually did swim, so that was OK.

Came home, had lunch (having skipped breakfast entirely, bad bad bad) did about an hour's worth of work, put on a couple of videos for DS2 until it was time to pick up the kids from camp. Then they snacked, lounged around generally until very early (for us) dinner at 5, then I bundled DS1 and DD off for their swimming lesson, which went very well. DS1 could be an excellent swimmer. His kicks are fantastic, very strong and he goes very fast. He just needs to work on his arm strokes and his form.

DD, OTOH, is completely physically unfocused. She splashes around a lot but doesn't go anywhere. We had this same issue with cheer, she's very floppy and wobbly. She needs to learn to direct her limbs better. It's a practice thing, mostly, and it's difficult for her because she is so long and so flexible. She also loves being in the water and in an odd way, that doesn't help. She doesn't have any fear of staying under too long.

So now I'm just cataloging this amazingly exhausting day to warm up my writing muscles, so to speak... heh. I will do more work tonight, I'm just not sure exactly when.

Last night I watched Down With Love which I had recorded some time ago. It starred Ewan MacGregor and Renee Zellweger (sp? on both, I am too lazy to look up...) Anyway, I really love Ewan but this movie just missed the mark, IMO. It was a very reverent spoof of the Doris Day-Rock Hudson movies like Pillow Talk, which it echoed in several ways. The design, the look of the movie, was gorgeous. David Hyde Pierce played the Tony Randall role perfectly, and it was funny to see Tony Randall himself in the old curmudgeon role. But there was just something "off" about Renee and Ewan. I really do love Ewan and this is the first thing of his I just haven't been whelmed by. I know he can act, but he just did not sell me on his Catcher Block falling in love with Renee's Barbara Novak. I think it was Renee, to be honest... she did all the right things and had the right look, but she seemed to be just phoning it in. There wasn't anything beneath the highly stylized surface. Thinking back to Jerry Maguire, I know that Renee can act, so I think in this case it's question of the look of the piece getting in the way of our emotional investment in the movie. And without the emotional investment, it just fell flat.

Now I have also recorded Chicago to watch at some point and I know Renee is in that, too, so I will get to see if it's just Renee (when she's not playing Bridget Jones, whom I adore), or if it was the period piece, or if it was just a lack of chemistry with Ewan. I honestly didn't think that was possible, after watching Ewan with the usually frosty Nicole Kidman in Moulin Rouge!, one of my guilty pleasure movies.

Well, off to read to moy little guy, who has been waiting quite patiently...

busy bee

...
I have been running around doing all sorts of stuff with their kids during the last few days, plus managing to squeeze in some work.

My cold, if it was a cold, is subsiding, although I do still have some junk in my sinuses and occasionally my nose drips. I wonder if it was a cold because I was reading about a common reaction to antibiotic therapy which I am too lazy to link to now, and it sounds exactly like what I went through. So maybe that was it.

My RA is doing OK, actually, with my hands never getting above a 3 or 4 on the pain scale (which is where they usually are), and morning swelling noticeably reduced. At least it seems that way. For whatever reason I have been having headaches, which makes me worry about pseudotumor cerebri, one of the side effects of minocycline, but it's such a rare side effect, and I know for a fact that my neck muscles are like rocks and so this headaches are basically tension headaches... if I can get my neck and shoulders lose, my headache subsides.

I'm actually hopeful about the antibiotic therapy. These past couple of days my energy is up even though I stayed up until 2:30AM one night working. It also helps that I have been on the higher dose of thyroid meds, I don't feel nearly as "freezing" all the time.

Of course right now I could just curl up and go to sleep... just took the kids to the Mesa SW Museum and then to Borders for a snack, then a quick walk over to Marshall's where I found the Artisan French Vanilla sf syrup. Only $4.99 a bottle! Sweet. (hehehe) It's very hot out and having a carb-y snack also makes me sleepy so that wasn't the best combination.

Haven't been writing lately because there has oddly been too much going on and not much going on. A lot of stuff happening, like sick kids and visits and what not, but not stuff I want or need to write about. I just need to wrap up everything in the next -- eek -- TWELVE DAYS before I leave. It's going to be very interesting.

I probably won't be writing much for a while. These next 2 weeks will be taken up with the kids' camp and swimming lessons and finishing up work and getting ready to go. I just hope nothing else blows up in the meantime.

I'm getting very excited about this trip, though. Terrified and psyched all at the same time.... heh. Just have to survive the plane ride out with the kids... once we touch down I'll be able to relax...

squeezed

...

That's how I feel today. Like everyone and everything is pushing in from all sides.

Slept in a bit, which was fine because there was no reason to get up, for a change. Got up and made breakfast for the the 2 younger ones, gave them their meds, and put all 3 kids on the nebulizer. Then I don't know what happened to the time because it was lunch and so I made some grilled cheese and sliced an apple and we all ate then dashed out the door to see Harry Potter again.

I liked the movie very much, but did not enjoy the experience. DS2 is mostly interested in the popcorn at this stage, and the movie is too grown-up for him. DS1 and DD really seemed to enjoy it. There were some really great moments, but I didn't get to savor any of it, since DS1 and DS2 where making comments here and there throughout, which is very annoying. I don't think I've shh'ed so many times in a 2-hour period, ever. Sheesh.

Got home from the movies and realized I forgot to cancel the babysitter when I heard her message. Ooops. I also had a message from my Southern Living at Home rep, and that just makes me want to cry with frustration, but I'm trying to keep my chin up about it. Then I checked my email and I have a nag message from the guys I work with, asking for copy.

Now I don't know how different things would be if the kids were not sick, and I was feeling better, but the kids are sick and I'm still feeling crummy, so the fact is, I've done some thinking (a lot of thinking) and some investigating links they wanted me to check out, and I'm still letting things percolate. When I sit down to write, it will come quickly, I'm sure. I just don't want to be pushed right now.

My endo called this morning, I sent her a fax with my new labs earlier in the week. She told me to up my Levoxyl by another half tablet, so I did. Then I called Walgreen's mail order pharmacy to see about syncing up my 2 prescriptions, but it turns out I need a new paper prescription for the Levoxyl anyway, so I'll just deal with that when I see the endo on the 21st. Whee.

This evening, my physical therapist called to find out why I took myself off the schedule. It's amazing how much sympathy you can generate when you say you have 3 sick kids.

I am so worn out today... after the movie we came home for a while, but then went back out to Sam's Club. We didn't end up getting home until 5:30. DD was a brat. She wouldn't decide whether to ride in the cart or walk, so I stuck her in the cart. Then she complained about being in the cart, so I took her out. Then she tried to run away (literally, I had to run after her and grab her), so I stuck her back in the cart. Then she was really horrible until well after we got home. I don't know what gets into that girl sometimes, but I could've cheerfully decked her.

I butted heads with DS2 today, as well. I'm just tired of being treated like a servant or worse. You should hear the kid order me around: Mom, greasy hands! Mom, I've got boogers again! Mom, I'm done (in the bathroom)... and if I don't jump up that instant, he starts yelling at me. It's ridiculous and I'm really tired of it, every single time he speaks to me that way, I tell him it's not appropriate and remind him he can do it himself, show him how to do it himself, etc etc, but today he just wants to be babied. I'm about ready for a loooong vacation from that about now. Odds of getting one? Zero.

Gotta go make dinner. I am not happy camper. Can't figure out whether it's meds or illness or what, but I am not operating at peak, that's for sure.

The kids are all getting on each other's nerves already. Camp can not come soon enough!

disappointments v accomplishments

...

Today was an odd day.

I expected the kids to all be on the upswing, and so perhaps we would go out to the movies, again. But DS2 puked all over me at about 10:45 so that nixied that idea. I hope/suspect it was just something related to his ear infections, and he has not puked since and in fact has been noshing all day, every other hour, he has wanted something to eat. Since he's keeping everything down, why not?

I had an eye exam at 7:30 this morning and my pupils are still hugely dilated. I've had a headache from it most of the day, too, but managed to just deal with it. Part of the day I felt kinda pukey (before the baby puked on me, too). My digestion is way off again, after being really good for a 3 or 4 days. I don't know what the heck is going on. I wonder if I'm having side effects from the minocycline, because I'm getting weird tastes in my mouth, too.

Kids were a bit ticked that we couldn't go to the movies (no movie-going with a puking kid, sorry)... but I did let them go in the paddling pool this afternoon, and we did make oatmeal M&M cookies. The M&Ms were "pretty or swampy?" Shrek minis, and they were all really hoping for "swampy", but they were pretty. Too bad. But the cookies taste good.

I put up all the rest of the pictures today, and hung the shelf in DD's room over her bed, and arranged all her My Little Ponies on it for her. She likes it. I like it, too.

With DS2's puking this AM, I decided to just forget about trying to have a get-together for the kids this week. There's just no way of knowing how he's going to be, and it's totally unfair to invite people over when there are sick kids in the house. Chances are excellent that all 3 of them will be fine, but that's OK, we'll do stuff -- I just can't count on them being really well enough to host any number of people.

So that pretty much kills the Southern Living at Home thing, too, but I'll see what I can do with one-on-one get togethers, and I may try and have a party in the fall when everyone is back home. This trying to schedule something in the summer is way worse than I thought I would be. It seems that everyone is more busy, trying to keep their kids from climbing the walls...

I also cancelled my 2 remaining PT appointments for this week and rescheduled early Monday morning, when DH can watch the kiddos. I can't deal with trying to get a babysitter right now, and I don't want to leave them with a babysitter when there's any possibility of them puking or something.

So, I decided I am getting together with my one dear friend for coffee on Sunday, and told the other "girls" about it, and if they want to join us, that's fine, but at least the two of us will sit and yap for an hour or so and it will be nice. She's going to France for 10 days (or 2 weeks?) on her own, her sister is getting married and then she is visiting, and I am sooo envious of her being able to take that trip! Her DH is staying home with their boys, I'm sure that will be an interesting time for him... but this weekend is our last chance to get together, since she is leaving the following week, and then we are going the week after! It's hard to believe it's so close now!

So: I got some stuff done today, and made plans for coffee, having had to relinquish many other plans and bigger hopes. But that's OK. It's better for me to have ideas and maybes rather than trying to put together concrete plans and invest in a lot of hopes at this point. The situation is fluid, and it's better to go with the flow.

Ronald Reagan, R.I.P.

*~*~*~*

I posted this on another forum but thought it was worth it to copy it here.

I was terrified of RR when he was president. I lived in MA and was surrounded by liberals who hated him and portrayed him as an idiot, a reckless cowboy, a loner, someone who was going to destroy the world. For many years I had a recurring nightmare of atomic bombs dropping into the Charles River and Boston/Cambridge going up in a mushroom cloud.

I vividly recall how gray, ugly, and depressing the world was during the Carter Administration. We all wore extra sweaters and turned down the temperature on the thermostat to 65 degrees. I was always cold in the winter. My dad used to warm up my hands between his big ones. There was gas rationing and no one had any money and everyone was afraid they were going to lose their jobs.

No one planted flowers around their houses or cared about how things looked. The world, at least as I knew it, was poor.

When Reagan was elected, everyone I knew was shocked at how stupid the rest of the country was. "Well, we were certainly in for it now," the punditry declared... and, as I said, I was terrified.

I couldn't stand to listen to the man speak because he just seemed to spout so many empty words, and he espoused philosophies that made no sense.

Now, so many years later, my most prominent feeling is resentment, sometimes downright anger, at how manipulated I was all those years ago. I only ever got one side of the story, the side that said the President was an idiot, that talked about "voodoo economics" instead of "system dynamics". The side that said "Peace through strength" will never work, and even when it did -- even NOW -- still failed to give it credit.

I was robbed. I lived during an era of tremendous, hopeful, positive change: Reagan's presidency -- but I spent the entire time wishing he were not president, convinced that he was a stupid, evil man, doing stupid, evil things.

Well, his legacy is already well-established so it doesn't matter. Yes, he (or the Congresses he worked with) tripled the deficit, but that didn't stop the economy from growing by leaps and bounds. Reagan ended the Cold War. Perhaps most important, he re-established hope for the future as the American Way.

We were blessed to have him as our president. I only wish I appreciated him more at the time.

house o' plague

...

All 3 kids are sick. I just returned from taking them all to the dr's, bless them, they scheduled a three-fer for me -- had to drop off FIVE prescriptions and a nebulizer should be materializing at our doorstep any moment now. It has been a busy few days.

DS1 missed his last 3 days of school with a stomach virus. By Friday the worst was over, but there was no way I was sending him to school, a strong breeze would've toppled him. By that time we were all stir-crazy so we tried to go see the new HP movie, but DS2 came down with a fever about 40 minutes in, so we had to leave. THAT was excruciating. I was so loving the movie... also, loved the Spider-Man 2 preview, can't wait for that one!

So, got DS2 home, gave him some Motrin, and he slept for 2 hours. That has been his pattern the past 3 days, every afternoon, fever creeps up and he needs a nap. Today I drugged him prophylactically so we could make it to the dr's without him being totally miserable. She pegged his ear infections as about 3 days along. What a coincidence.

Then there's DD. She has this nasty wheezy cough, and you can hear squeaks and pops when she breathes if you listen to her lungs. She's the primary candidate for the nebulizer, although DS1 will get to use it, too, as he has the same nasty cough. Actually, all 3 of them have it... DD and DS2 get antibiotics, but DS1 seems clear of infection, he just needs allergy management which he will get next Friday.

In other news, we moved around furniture in the living room and family room, and DH worked like a dog this weekend and cleaned the carpets in both of the huge rooms... the furniture is much more cosy now. We've moved the piano into the living room. It's really nice, kind of like a "Trading Spaces" thing without the cheapo re-upholstered furniture and bad paint jobs.

I had asked for lab results from my g/e doc, and they arrived on Saturday. Low and behold, my TSH is up to 4.66, which is a huge difference from the 1.25 it was in February. I've scheduled with my endo for the 21st, hoping she will adjust my meds. I feel lousy, but I don't know whether I've got a sinus thing going or what, or if it's my thyroid... ack! More drs. Tomorrow, I go for a dilated eye exam in the morning, lovely. I was supposed to go for physical therapy today, but had to cancel because of the sick kids. I don't have time for all this medical crap right now. I want to be running around and having fun! Well, better to get it out of the way right now, I suppose. If I can.

Friday night DH and I went to the Diamondbacks game. It was disappointing, although we did have wonderful seats. We had a pretty decent dinner at Cooperstown, and I got a blue margarita-thing which was quite tasty. I'm not sure if was the margarita, the pound or so of strawberries I ate at the game, or just the fact that I'm SICK, but I was completely miserable on Saturday. I slept most of the day on the futon or the loveseat while the kids did things in the family room. I can't remember dinner. Oh, wait, I made some burgers on the grill. I felt so lousy I could barely stand up. Was probably made worse by dehydration and lack of sleep. Sometimes I'm stupid (The Count of Monte Cristo, Jim Caveziel, Guy Pierce).

Felt better Sunday, though, and so "encouraged" DH to move the furniture around. Actually, he gave it a lot of thought himself, because he wants to put surround sound in the family room, and has been wondering how it would work with the old furniture arrangement. The fact is, it wouldn't work at all, so he was quite glad to do something different that would. I told him he should buy himself the system he wants for Father's Day. He can set it up and goof around with it to his heart's content while we're away. He deserves it. He deserves whatever he wants!

Friday I had a good telephone call with my boss. I've more or less got my marching orders. I've only managed to work about an hour since then -- the sick kids don't help -- but it should go pretty easily once I get my head wrapped around it, which it pretty much is already. I will hammer out something tomorrow morning, and then take the kids out in the afternoon, I hope we can see all of HP3! But, no going out tomorrow afternoon if I don't get enough of my own work done... I have to be disciplined, or I will be screwed! Can't have that.

Enough for now, have to think about dinner, never know what to do these days.

disappointed

...

I had been feeling pretty up today, but now I'm just blech.

Got up early (for me) to the news that DS1 was sick again, no school again today. Tomorrow's the last day! I hope he's better. I grabbed a quick breakfast and went to physical therapy.

That was good physically but a little depressing otherwise, since I haven't been there in about a year and a half, and I've had a boatload of medical stuff in the meantime. The biggest reason my sciatica kicked up is that I stopped doing any kind of exercise, but I've been in and out of surgeries and procedures and what not ever since last summer. Blech.

PT was good... adjustments, heat, ultrasound, massage... my piriformis is like concrete, but it did help. I scheduled 3 sessions for next week in the mid-afternoon, praying I could find someone to stay with the kids...

Got home and made more calls, out to my boss to find out his schedule and whether or not I would need to fly out there; No, and I should have my assignments in the next few days, which is great. Called Princeton Review and had a great chat with the recruiting director there, going over the training and everything. Lots of calling around, yap yap yap, everything's all set to go, the schedule will be a little heavy for me but definitely do-able.

Phone rings... it's Princeton Review. They screwed up the dates of the training; the 2nd weekend is actually the weekend I'm leaving! ARG ARG ARG. This means I can't do the training until January!!! I am so annoyed. I'm also relieved, since it's one less thing to worry about before I leave. But I'm so disappointed, too, because I was looking forward to doing this!
arg arg arg arg arg arg

I'm trying to be good about sitting properly. My therapist showed me that how I typically curl up to work on the computer is just twisting everything out of alignment. She gave me a piriformis stretch and a shoulder stretch that I have tried to do every so often (3x so far today for each). My hip is quite sore but she told me it would be after the work she did, but she didn't want to ice it down because of my fibromyalgia and also because icing it reduces the blood flow there. She warned me I would be in for a rough day! She was right. I popped 3 ibuprofen and it hasn't done anything.

I put the keyboard and the mouse on the keyboard tray, and I can feel the difference in my shoulders already. It's so easy to just become mindless about how I move and sit and stand; I find myself standing with all my weight on my right foot, all the time. That's bad, more misalignment happening all the time. The pain in my hip makes me tense up my jaw, neck, and shoulders, leading to headaches. Everything is so (wretchedly, in my case) connected!

I've started figuring out the picture situation. I think I'm going to avoid putting any in the family room for now, or on any walls that are candidates for furniture moving. That's OK, though. I'd like to get them all off the floor! I think I will go work on that now, it should cheer me up considerably to actually get something done.

I am very sad about the delay with the Princeton Review. It is not a personal rejection but it seems to me that things often don't work out in my favor.

Stupid cold is still lingering. It's all in my head, although I do have a sore throat, too. I wonder if I can sneak a nap today? I just want to curl up and sleeeeeeep...

when it rains...

it pours...

I had a meeting tonight with the Southern Living at Home rep and we had a blast. We met at Starbuck's like 2 minutes from home, and chatted about all sorts of stuff. We are definitely on the same wave length. I wish I was in a place where I could feel comfortable doing stuff like that. It's cool. We'll see how this catalog-party stuff goes. It's weird, because I really like this stuff, enough to actually do a party-thing... I've been to plenty of other selling parties but never actually wanted to do one before.

Maybe I am just getting weirder as I get older.

Princeton Review called while I was out. They want me to come in for training over 2 killer weekends. I really want to do this job. The pay sucks, but I think it will be a good proof for me of what I can and cannot handle. Also, I think it would be a job I would really like! Argghhhhh!!!!!

That means I have to knuckle down and work on my freelance stuff. It would help enormously if I knew more about what was going on. Gotta call those guys tomorrow... *sigh*

Today was a slightly better day. I made a ton of phone calls I needed to make. DS1 was home sick, and I expect he will be again tomorrow, too. Poor boo. I hope he is well enough to go in on the last day!

I have pt in the early morning. Have to be a good girl and get ready for bed now. I feel pretty lousy, congestion, sore throat, but the RA seems to be OK. I feel kinda bloaty (been eating like a pig all day) but my fingers are not in the least bit swollen. Hmmm. Maybe the minocycline will do the trick? How cool would that be? I can't tell how I really feel, because of this damn cold!

down day

...

Woke up very stuffed up with a very stiff neck and shoulders, and have been battling a headache all day. I feel as if I have accomplished nothing today, or that anything I did do is of little value or worth.

The latest LCL Mag came out and my column with it, A Taste of Summer. The editing once again perplexes me. They omitted two rather essential sets of italics, and added one that makes no sense. They did make an excellent edit for content, swapping out a lame statement about anti-oxidants with a specific example. Working with editors is interesting, to say the least. The editing stuff, there's not much you can do about it, but I read the column and honestly thought it sucked. I have no objectivity at all today.

This is just one of those black days for any of several reasons. It's June. I have a cold. I have a headache, I'm tired, I can't get anything done... blah blah blah.

I hope I feel better tomorrow. One thing I have to do is call my work guys and ask them what's going on, because I have work that must get done but nothing to go on, yet!

Ah... I just realized that part of my fuzzy-brained problems today, and even some of my physical problems, may be related to the fact that I've been out of Cytomel for 2 days now. I should've taken some when I picked it up this afternoon but I forgot, and it's too late now. I'll have some again in the morning... that should help, a lot.

I have this sense of tremendous pressure, so much to get done in such a short time...